Just A Dream
by Kuku3
Summary: Love doesn't come with a handbook or set of rules, there were no principles to follow. Ichigo finds out the hard way. [IchiHime (Modern AU)] { Warning; painful and intense emotional themes, sexual themes, angst, etc. }
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue**_

* * *

A wail.

The noise getting louder and shrill.

**Stop**. Stop crying! It's fucking annoying! **STOP!**

She couldn't take it. She wanted to rest. Her body wanted to rest.

But the crying got louder. Stop! She wanted to scream and throw things. She would do anything to stop that noise. It was driving her mad, crazy. She was beyond frustrated.

She bit her lip – she bit it till she'd felt that tangy flavor of blood in her mouth.

Frustrated and irritated. Moody and tired. She was all those things. She wanted to hit something; she wanted something to hit her.

The crying continued.

Her eyes were swelled and red due to her lack of sleep.

_Why isn't he here, yet? – She thought._

Making her way down the hall, she reached the crib.

The small bundle – the 4 days old baby – crying.

She stood there looking at her son. She wanted to smile – she did – the sight of such a beautiful baby would make anyone smile. But he was crying and _the crying_ – it makes everything so irritating.

She wanted to tell him to shut up!

She was angry and felt deceived. Where the fuck was the father of her child?

She closed her eyes tightly, her hands hurt due to her tight hold on the crib – the piece of wood hurt.

She sighed and picked him up. She cradled him in her arms.

What was she supposed to do now?

She walked to the living room and sat on the couch.

"What's wrong honey?" she asked her son.

She tried shushing him. "Sssh… Sssh.. Mamma's here… It's alright… Sssh…"

Trying to keep her son stay put – she open four buttons of her Night suit. "You're hungry ne?" she asked him with a smile.

It was hard. Smiling for no reason. But this was her son! Her little bundle of joy. He is meant to bring out the smile – that smile everyone adores. She has been told she has a beautiful smile. She doesn't believe them. After all they've just seen the façade that she has to put on. The one whom she really really smiles at – doesn't even see her. He does, maybe. She doesn't know.

She hasn't named the child yet.

.

"Sssh… there, there… I'm here, ne? Don't cry…"

She brought her son to her breasts.

Now what? Apart from flailing and crying – the baby didn't do anything. What should she do?

This was a new territory. Motherhood. But she knows – she **knows **she was already a failure as a mom.

What kind of a mother would get irritated and frustrated at his loud crying? She doesn't understand. She couldn't understand her own child. Since the nurses left earlier that morning, she felt helpless – she felt trapped. This was _now_, this was reality. The child she has been bearing in her womb is now in front of her. Taking care of her pregnant self was easier compared to taking care of a real baby.

Her mouth was quivering, as she tried to soothe him.

_Ichigo, I need you. Please come home… I can't handle this! Please… _

It would have been so easy if they would have adopted as she had originally planned. The thought of being a mother scared her. But she couldn't tell anyone about it. She wanted to – _how desperately she wanted to _– tell her husband about her fears… but the distance between them – it felt as if he's so far even if was just one phone call – few kilometers away.

It made her sick. Her existence. Her thoughts…

When did she become this person…why couldn't she understand herself?

She was told – that she was an open book, that she wore her heart on sleeve.

_So what went wrong? Everything. That's what. _

She brought her son's mouth to her nipples.

He was hungry, right?

That's what kids do – they cry when they were hungry or when they soiled their nappies.

She has to be right assuming that he was indeed hungry and wanted to be fed.

So breast-feeding should do it, right? It certainly worked when the nurses were there… they told her _"Kurosaki-sama, it's a sign when the baby cries – you should either feed him or check his diapers… if that isn't the case…then just be with him… he'll calm down." _

She felt his small mouth close around her bud. She felt him lick it.

Tears stung behind her eyes._ Hormones. _She thought.

Why was she crying?

There was a second lick.

She brushed his little orange hair. His head was so soft. His cheeks were still pink, his hands curling near her bosom… a healthy child, a fragile life – she held in her arms... _I will never let you break…you'll be strong like your Outo-san…I just know it… _

But how could she take care of this small baby – when she couldn't even take care of herself let alone her husband?

She felt his little hands flapping against her chest. She loosened her hold around him to breathe.

There was no third lick – no nibbling – no sucking. Nothing.

She tried again to feed him – but her son started crying **again – **louder than before. She cradled him after adjusting her blouse; she rocked him back and forth. She hummed a song. She tried shushing him.

_ 'I'm here… Sssh… honey…'_

_'Hey… Sssh…'_

_'Mamma loves you… Sssh… please stop crying, baby…' _

_'Please…'_

She could feel the tears blocking her sight, her lips quivering.

She wanted to hold back her tears – but his cries just kept getting louder.

She couldn't bear it!

She doesn't know what's wrong with her son!

She wanted to pull her hair – she wanted him to stop – _Please stop – I beg you. _

_Stop crying… damn it… _

_Stop it… please… I can't take it... Not anymore… _

Her hold tightened when she walked towards the baby room.

Toys – should do it, right?

She sat down on the mat, her vision still clouded by her tears; she bit her lip to stop the sob that would have escaped. She reached for a few toys, setting her son on her lap with one hand supporting his neck.

She could feel it – she could see herself breaking her child. She could see herself ruining him.

_But I promised you… _

As the pessimistic thoughts filled her mind, she let go of her lip and let the tears fall.

She was crying with her son – "Oh god…" she sobbed "Oh my god…"

His hands flailed in the air, she kept rocking her leg, the tangerine she was shaking to calm him down added to the chaos.

~ _Ring. Ring. ~ Ring. Ring. ~ _

The landline started ringing.

She was tired and frustrated. She couldn't leave her son to attend a stupid phone call.

She wanted him to calm down.

~ _Beep. Beep. ~ Beep. Beep ~ _

To add to everything, someone was texting her.

.

It was too much!

She could feel her blood boiling. But her tears did no good.

**Everything was so chaotic! **

She threw the toy. It collided against the wall. She wiped her eyes.

She had to get it together!

There was no one who could help her. It was just her and her son.

"Stop crying, honey… Please…" she begged.

_Oh god. Oh god… this is too much... I..I.. _

_I'm going to lose it…. _

Her head hung low, she brought her son near her face.

"P-P-Please… stop…" she pleaded in a low voice.

When the kid still wouldn't stop crying…

**"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"** she screamed in frustration.

.

:

.

It had been a week since he saw his wife. She was pregnant - hopefully she had his family or Tatsuki to look after her.

The business deal was finally settled.

It was one heck of a week. His days started from morning five and ended at mid-night.

He ran his hand through his orange hair. "1 Million dollars." He muttered to himself in relief.

Finally after all the ass-kissing he had done in the past five years had paid off.

If only – Orihime wasn't pregnant, he could throw a lavish party to celebrate.

He was lucky to have a wife like her. She would never butt in his business.

She used to ask him in the beginning – if he was doing well or he needed any help. He appreciated the thought. But she was not meant to work for him…

Lately… she has been distant…

She wouldn't… she wouldn't accompany him to business parties.

She had missed 4 parties in the past seven months.

But then again, she was _pregnant. _

And after her break down nine months ago… she hardly talked to him.

But he was content in their marriage though. He had a beautiful wife. She literally reeked of kindness.

She would keep him satisfied. She was quiet and talked only when he asked her something. She wasn't submissive, no, she had her space, her freedom – but she would never bother him. She was always supportive of him.

Their marriage was strong, right?

She didn't mean to leave him like she had said right?

Maybe she did – but then, she got pregnant.

When he thought about it now, he wasn't around much.

She had told him when she was three months along and his reaction – he rubbed his forehead. He was a jerk.

.

**_It was late at night when he reached home from his work. The client had fucked his brains out. It took his entire cool not to strangle the bastard. But it didn't matter now, they had got that appointment._**

**_It took him by surprise when he saw his wife sitting on the couch and looking at him._**

**_'Hi.' She said. He grunted a reply. _**

**_'I'm pregnant.' She gave him a small smile. '3 months along…'_**

**_He was actually shocked. But he didn't know how to react… so…_**

**_'Congratulations.' He had said, setting his bag down – he immediately regretted it when he saw her frowning. _**

**_'Thank you and wish you the same.' She replied and walked away._**

**_He had stood there like a statue for good fifteen minutes. _**

**_He thought of going and apologizing to her – it sounded wrong when he thought about it._**

**_What an ass! But man, was he tired! _**

**_They were sleeping separately. It's not like he would cling to her in his sleep – so it was alright. _**

**_Everything was alright. It was. She didn't leave him – so yeah… his marriage wouldn't fall apart… he needed her… if she wasn't there, it would take a toll in his business. _**

**_So she was important._**

**_._**

Now when he thought about it, he hadn't apologized.

He decided to take two days off to take care of his wife – after all she could go into labor any day now.

He just hoped he'd be there to support her.

He wanted to call and check up but his battery had died the very first day he had reached Hiroshima. And since he had come alone for the meeting – he couldn't even borrow anyone's phone. And he had to forget the damn charger.

But he was positive that his wife would take care of herself. She didn't need him.

Why was that thought so unpleasant?

.

**_"I think we should get separated…" she said._**

**_"What?" he asked, signing a paper, when he looked at her – he couldn't read her expression, she was curled up on the couch and watching him with empty eyes. "You love me, ne?"_**

**_"Yes. But apparently that isn't enough for you…" she replied, coldly._**

**_._**

That was a long night. She had cried so much. He recalled with a grimace.

He hated seeing her cry. He hated being the cause of it.

.

**_"I can't live in denial anymore." She stated."I need to accept the truth even if it hurts."_**

**_"What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely confused._**

**_"You don't love me." She smiled even if tears were streaming down her face. _**

**_"Ori-"_**

**_"It's really okay… so… just set me free…"_**

**_"No." _**

**_"Why?" she whispered. _**

**_"I can't…" _**

**_._**

He remembers that smile – she looked so beautiful – He must truly be a sadist to even let her go through that.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard _"Passengers to 1066 to Karakura should be on board." _

For now, he'd just let it go… its good enough that she's there…

_She is, right? _

Suddenly, he couldn't wait to get home.

.

It had been a long flight. He just wanted to check on Orihime and go to sleep.

His mind wanted to rest.

He took the key out from his pocket.

.

**"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" **

Why was Orihime shouting and sobbing? Was she having a panic attack?

He dropped his luggage there and his foot led to the noise.

.

His eyes widened when he saw his wife lying on the mat with a small body on top of her chest, muttering _'Please tell me, honey… what you want… stop crying…' _

He could see various diapers, toys, baby clothes lying haphazardly.

What was happening? Was that his son?

He just watched her sobbing more and saying

"Mamma's here… don't cry… please… I love you, ne?"

She stroked his little back and kissed him on the forehead, assuring him – _'I'm here… don't cry…'_

The crying died down slowly as his wife continued to stroke the baby's back…little fingers curled on her sides, brown eyes closed and mouth parted as the baby calmly breathed.

He was frozen. Frozen - literally frozen.

He saw his wife's shoulder shaking; she was still crying… the baby was on top of her… and one of her arm over her eyes…

The baby… His baby…

He licked his dried lips. "O-Orihime?" He called.

He saw her stiffening. Gulping the lump in his throat, he made his way to her.

She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, she took a deep breath, being aware enough not to talk loudly or disturb her son; she looked at her husband, gave him a shaky smile and greeted "Okaeri."

.

.

~0~

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* * *

**_note. there it is. a new story i am working on. i had the idea but it took two months to actually draft it. i'm getting super lazy -_- _**

**_warning. it's angsty. intense, if u may. _**

**_and no, Ichigo will not be a cheating husband. you'll get what he is - when the story continues. _**

**_the next chapter will be the beginning - before the marriage - the 'in love orihime' , ichigo proposing - bla bla. _**

**_so this chp was just the glimpse of future - what happens after 4 yrs into their married life._**

**_thank you. :)_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 1**_

* * *

Sora was not happy.

He was not thrilled that his little sister has grown up. He was her brother and she was his sister. He was her only family. She was supposed to listen to him. She was supposed to love him the most. She was supposed to follow the script in his head. He was not pleased with her decision.

He glanced at her and turned away showcasing his objection.

A giggle followed.

His eye brow twitched in annoyance. She was doing this purposely. That was the only explanation he could draw of the situation.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked.

Another giggle.

Another twitch.

She was testing him. That bratty little –

"Oni-chan is angry, it's really **funny**… oh wait, no… it's not that – he's upset…" she teased.

"**Orihime**, it's not funny. I **am** really upset with your decision." He turned around to face her.

She gave him a small smile and folded another garment.

His eyes fell on the big suit case on the bed; he glared at the thing as she kept on folding the clothes and packing them.

The pink T-shirt – He bought it for her.

The lavender kimono – He gave it to her.

The green tunic – He gifted it on her 18th birthday.

The yellow sundress – His fiancé and he had selected it for Orihime.

The _short skirt? Wait what…?_

He scowled at his sister. What the hell? When did she get such a short skirt? It shows off her legs… There'll be guys out there…staring at her…in such revealing clothes…

_Take deep breaths, he told himself. It's not her fault. _

"I'll ask my boss if I can transfer there." He informed her.

She dropped the checked shirt from her hands and eyed him in disbelief… Her oni-chan – in one word – was – **impossible! **

"You're being ridiculous, Sora-nii…" she argued. "You don't trust me."

"It's not that – Orihime… I am your big brother; I am supposed to protect you…"

"Protect me from what? Education?"

He sat on the bed and sighed. "I have to know that you're okay and safe… Nagoya is too far…"

"It's not even a day away, oni-chan… you're being unreasonable. I've worked hard for this scholarship and you know that…"

"Yeah… I know…"

That's right; she had studied so hard her entire senior year to get a scholarship. Nagoya University just happened to select her. It wasn't her fault. She is 18 – an adult – like him, she is growing up and he just has to deal with it.

He gave her a sad smile "I guess, I am just being emotional since you're going to leave tomorrow…"

She picked her shirt from the ground and walked to kneel in front of Sora. She laid her head on his lap and closed her eyes.

That was all, the Inoue siblings needed. The silence was enough, the air around them was sure emotional – but it was alright. They were going to be alright.

He stroked her hair. Her long, beautiful Auburn hair. He loved her hair. He loved that she grows it out for him. He smiled at the thought. "I'm going to miss you, Hime."

She fisted the shirt in her hands and shut her eyes, tightly as a tear escaped. She choked back a sob and said "Me too, Oni-chan…"

.

:

Ichigo was not surprised when he received the letter from Nagoya University. He deserved to be accepted of course, he had worked so hard. He always believed he deserves the best because he has earned it.

His family's reaction to the letter – did not surprise him, either. They did what they normally do when he gave them good news. Their reactions were expected and same old.

He was not surprised when Chad called him to inform that he got in too.

Chad was smart, he knew. And Nagoya University had finest Art classes.

What was good enough was the one-hour distance between the university and his home. He'd finally get to move out of the house. Though it would be sad not seeing his mother daily – but he can deal with that.

He gets the best because he deserves it.

It is a fact and it doesn't surprise him.

:

.

:

**It was the Orientation day when their eyes met each other's for not more than five seconds. **

:

She remembers it because those were the most blazing and intense eyes she has ever seen and she was sure she would never be able to meet his eye for more than a few seconds.

Orihime doesn't know his name.

She just knows – he has orange hair and amber eyes.

She did not try to find him the next day.

Neither did she try a week later or a month after that.

.

While boiling the water for the tea, she thinks about his eyes.

Vaguely, she wonders if she'd ever meet him.

This happens for exactly thirteen seconds – once, every week. But things go back to normal as soon as her roommate _Tatsuki-chan_ distracts her.

Tatsuki is not her classmate. No, Orihime is perusing Bachelors in Arts – Literature being her major while Tatsuki-chan in Bachelors in Science – Physics being her major.

After moving out of their hostel, they decided to rent an apartment. Sora-nii-chan threw a tantrum but settled after he talked to Tatsuki.

Both the girls don't eat lunches together. Neither does their timings clash.

They have jobs as waitresses in different diners. They both see each other at home at 9 o'clock in the evening. They have dinner together.

Orihime cooks on even days of the week and Tatsuki cooks on odd days of the week.

Some nights are very long – they don't sleep until 2 am in the morning because of the assignments.

Sometimes, they **try** to help each other with studies.

Some nights they just talk.

Orihime thinks _Tatsuki-chan_ is one of her closest friend. Maybe in future, they can be like those 'best-friends' they show in movies.

For now, everything is fine. Everything follows the plan. Everything runs according to the routine.

So she doesn't complaint. She doesn't change anything.

No that it matters because she likes to follow her routine.

.

:

**It was the Orientation day when their eyes met each other's for not more than five seconds. **

:

He remembers it because she looked away so fast like he was some viral disease. It was border-line amusing.

He doesn't doubt his looks. He has been complimented way too much. Puberty did do wonders is what his father had said.

But it was weird because he knew women would stare at him like he was some piece of meat but the way that girl looked away… _it was strange, it was new. _

Ichigo doesn't know her name.

He just knows that – She has auburn colored hair and is the most good-looking girl he has seen in a while.

He doesn't ponder about it much though.

After all relationships is a waste of time. He doesn't have time for it. He's got his business course to finish. He's got Masters to complete. May be after that he might settle if his mom and dad find a girl for him.

He doesn't think much about love.

It's all a waste of time.

And he doesn't like to waste his time.

.

:

**It had been four months, six days since the orientation day.**

Not that she's counting, but she still thinks about his eyes.

He compares the girls who flirt with him to the auburn haired girl. None of them are good-looking enough. He doesn't settle for the second best thing.

He wants the best because he deserves it.

.

:

**It is six months later, when they accidently sit beside each other.**

:

She follows her routine. After the third lecture, she has lunch break. She eats alone in the cafeteria. Professor Kuchiki had asked them to read 20 novels and review them. The list of the books was also given.

She was currently on her 11th novel – A Jane Austen classic – Pride and Prejudice.

She was almost halfway through. She decided to read it during the break while having her lunch. The book is interesting, she has some arguments, though – and she has a rough idea how she wants to write it. She is so into the book, she doesn't look at the person she sits beside.

No. She has no time for small talk and introductions. The person can think she is rude and gladly leave for all she cares. She has no time to look at the person as well.

The said person hides his amusement and doesn't bother her. He just watches her.

He realizes – she is more beautiful when she wears her hair up and chews her French fries –oh-so-slowly. He notices she doesn't dip it in the tomato sauce.

He decides he likes the color of her lips. He is confused what shade of pink it is. But he's not in hurry.

When he looks away, he sees Chad is sitting with that prick Ishida on the third table from the entrance. He mentally notes to stay away from the table to avoid another annoying argument with his roommate Ishida Uryu.

He sees a girl joining them. She has medium length spiky violet-blackish hair. He remembers Ishida saying she is from the Dojo club. He is glad because none of them look at him.

He mentally counts that he and the _beautiful girl_ are sitting five benches away from his friends. He needs to remember it because it's a good spot.

The table is in the corner where no fan girls can see him.

It also looks like he can observe the girl sitting next to him.

He watches her again – she scowls and scrunches her small nose, her tongue briefly touches her index finger and she turns the page. He presses his fingers to his lips when she suddenly gasps and the French fry is held in the air for 10 seconds.

Her expressions amuse him. And he enjoys it silently until he finishes his fish sticks. He wonders if she actually noticed him at all.

When he gets up, he purposely coughs and stands on the same spot for three seconds to gauge a reaction out of the girl.

**She is so frustrating… **he thinks, when she doesn't even bat an eyelash his way.

His fingers close into a fists and clench. Why is he pissed if she's not giving him attention?

He growls inwardly and leaves.

When he turns back to look at her – she sees him and he fights back an urge to smirk. Her eyes widened and she looks away in three seconds, turns back to her book.

_She kills his mood_, just like that – _by looking away_. He has this crazy itch to check if something is wrong with his face.

He calls it the **'Book versus Me' incident**.

He looks dejected when the scoreboard in his mind reads **Book: 1; Me: 0.**

:

They sit on the same table from the day after the _incident. _She doesn't talk to him. She doesn't even look at him.

The scoreboard now says – **Book: 15; Me: 0. **

But **HEY! **There is some progress alright? She always waits for him to finish his meal and bows to him when she leaves. He merely nods at her.

The gesture makes him think '_Hn, maybe she's not rude – just shy.' _

He likes the silence between them though; she is really different from other girls. Maybe that is the reason why he thinks about her now and then.

It is really brief though, _really. _

.

While sitting in the Business law lecture, a part of his brain wonders what **_her_** name is. The same part also thinks if she is mute. And this surprises him because it is out of norm.

_Heh. So this is what when they say college changes your routine. _

He accepts **_her_ **as a part of his routine.

He justifies himself by giving a simple reason that he is just curious about **_her._** He denies harboring a crush on **_her._**

In the past month, he knows that she smiles and her eyes have this spark when the menu involves Red bean paste. She always carries some kind of huge book in her satchel. Every third day, he'd find a blue colored ink smudge on her cheek – it makes him want to smile and wipe it off. But he doesn't.

He thinks those smudges enhance her beauty.

He likes how her dressing sense doesn't emphasize on her figure. Her clothes do not stick to her body. She doesn't wear anything to show off her long legs – she prefers jeans and a loose T-shirt.

His brain registers this as an analytic report on **the girl who he is curious about.**

.

:

When she turned around after she heard the person growl, she was taken aback to find that '_intense-eye-guy'_ was the one sitting beside her. She turned around quickly so he couldn't see her flustered face.

Her breathing came out as a gasp and she couldn't go back to reading till the next 10 minutes.

How could she not notice him? His hair was a give-away! She could have at least subconsciously looked at him.

That still doesn't explain why her words didn't seem to come out around him, hence, she would never try to converse or look at him.

From corner of her eyes she could see him eating his lunch. She wants to say _'Mister, too much junk is not good for health. You have to stop eating such oily foods.'_ But she doesn't. It's not her place.

She can say he likes order. He neatly places his bag between them, there is always a pen on top of a notebook on the left of his tray and to its right he keeps his cell phone. While eating, he doesn't do anything else.

Since she is polite, before leaving she bows to him.

She has learnt he particularly likes to wear dark colored T-shirts which are either long sleeved or has number 15 printed on it. He is probably 6 or 6'2" in height. She likes it. She thinks he reeks of raw handsomeness. She likes his jaw line and nose. It's not too long. He has good features. It certainly explains his fan base in the campus. His lips are usually settled into a frown, she deems maybe he's in some trouble. Later, she realizes maybe it's a part of his looks.

.

Even after a month sitting beside each other, she does not – cannot look at him. She does not say '_konnichiwa! How was your day?' _nor she questions why the hell he is still sitting next to her.

It is like a silent agreement they've accepted.

She doesn't own the table, after all. Anyone can sit there if they want to.

She does not ponder upon the fact that they don't know each other's name.

Everything follows the routine.

She should not try to break it by unnecessarily asking his name. It might give him the wrong idea.

Oh – she found out that Tatsuki-chan has a crush on someone.

When she arrives at her job later in the evening, her mind gloats about **college love** and she thinks it's really **romantic.**

:

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:

~0~

:

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* * *

**_note. *releases a very-long-sigh* _**

**_So here is the little progress. Don't think too much into it, this part is just necessary for their character and story development. _**

**_Let me tell u it is disappointing to deliver a intense start and come up with this chapter(that too, a month later). Low-Blow. m(_ _)m _**

**_But as i said - it's necessary. _**

**_Thank you. :) _**


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